TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Monday, March 22, 2010



I've noticed that a lot of humans are upset that a bunch of humans in Congress approved some bill having something to do with human health care. Obviously what would make the American unhappy humans happier is if animals got involved with reforming their health care. I have been working on an ad campaign. Here's a preview:

I will need some input from my dog, cat, and goat friends on how they would like to mold human health care. But I have a few ideas.

Improve waiting rooms - I think that the waiting areas for the humans at there doctors' offices should be crates. I know from personal experience that the humans would feel more secure and safe in a crate. This picture I found shows how a crate could be used in a pediatric clinic. It's a bit of a snug fit, but I think you get the general idea:

E-Collars for humans - We all know what fun it is to wear the cones after we have had some sort of medical treatment. This is something that humans will get to wear under my health care initiative.

I am also going to have them tweaked for animals. The "E" in the Collar with now be the same sort of "E" you have in e-mail. That's right, we will now have wireless mail with our collars.

Improved Staffing - My final idea that I came up with today is that humans' medical offices must be staffed with animals as well as humans. This could be quite helpful in multiple ways such as making humans feel calmer as well as Kleenex disposal.


Shmoo said...

I agree with all if your initiatives. I also think that payment should be in the form of livergreat


Jack & Moo said...

Humans should get their temperatures taken the same way we do, don't woo think? And mandatory spaying & neutering would surely help cut down on overpopulation. The world would be a safer place with fewer humans and more canines.

just a few ideas form
jack + moo

houndstooth said...

These are all great ideas! No wonder you're a candidate!


Khady Lynn said...

THAT'S why you should have been president Unkey Tubey! Cuz you are smarter than those stupid humans!

I am also in agreement with Meeshka and Jack and Moo!

Khady Lynn

D.K. Wall said...

You forgot ear scratches and treats. WE forget the doctor is doing any tests with ear scratches and treats.

Fred said...

Humans should definitely get a cookie after treatments, too. Otherwise, hooray for your plan! It's simpler than the humans', too.

Marigold said...

Oh! Cabra would be GREAT at that Kleenex disposal one. Such a good idea. How about handing out Peanuts when the humans have been good boys and girls? This, of course, would mean that those stupid mice could not be employed as the office animals, but there are lots of others to choose from.

Teddy Westlife said...

Brilliant suggestions as always, Tubey.

Marigold said...

I've been out on my stump thinking about this. I think Humans need to participate in mandatory worming. I'm sure it would improve their dispositions.