TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Appeal for Campaign Funds


I want more money for my Presidential Campaign. I've heard that humans are very stupid and are more than willing to give their money away when they get an e-mail inviting them to. So I decided to send all humans an e-mail:

Dr Meep said that I can't be that brutally honest in my e-mail, so I revised it. You'll notice that not only am I nicer, but I put a cute picture of myself in the e-mail, too!

Friday, June 29, 2007



The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile lives in our town, and we see it driving around. The following story and picture were in our local newspaper today:

Let’s be frank - that car looks suspicious

From staff and wire reports
Published Friday, June 29, 2007

The famous Oscar Mayer Weinermobile sports a homecoming message while rolling down sixth street.<br /><br />Ed Pfueller photo<br />dit/oct 2004/news/Homecoming Parade ep Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer ... car thief?

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer who ran the Wienermobile’s plates as the vehicle traveled for a promotion briefly thought the giant hot dog on wheels was, well, hot.

The Wienermobile was on the road for a promotion in which contestants sing the Oscar Mayer jingle for a shot at appearing in a commercial and winning "American Idol" tickets.

The 27-foot-long, 11-foot-tall vehicle was in a construction zone in downtown Tucson on Wednesday, slowing traffic. Officer Korey Lankow caught up to it and ran its "YUMMY" license plate to make sure it was street-legal.

The plate came back as stolen. Lankow pulled over the Wienermobile, and two more officers arrived to help.

It turns out someone had indeed stolen the "YUMMY" plate off the Wienermobile in Columbia back in February. Oscar Mayer officials reported the theft to police there, company spokeswoman Syd Lindner said. The company got a replacement YUMMY plate that same month and notified police in Missouri, Lindner said.

But the plate still came back as stolen Wednesday, with no note that it was OK if found on the Wienermobile itself.

The Wisconsin vanity plate was reported stolen Feb. 18 as the Wienermobile was parked in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Select, Columbia police Capt. Tom Dresner said.

"I could understand why someone would steal that plate," Dresner said. "It’d look good on your fireplace or something."

The license plate had been replaced with a California one that expired in 2005 and oddly enough was also registered to Kraft Foods, Dresner said.

Jeff Kendell, 23, of Salt Lake City was a passenger - or "hot dogger" in Oscar Mayer lingo - in the rolling wiener. Not missing a beat, Kendell handed out wiener whistles to the officers, who took a peek inside the Wienermobile and snapped pictures with digital cameras.

Arizona Highway Patrol spokesman Quent Mehr said Lankow is hearing plenty about it from his buddies.

"The officer, he’s just like, ‘I don’t believe this is happening,’ " Mehr said.



So, it's been doing the precipitation thing at our house for the last 2 days. None of that stupid lightning or thunder, thank dog!

Tuesday evening, however, our house was alive with stupidity. Lex tried to catch a big stupid horse fly that was near my Human. You just can't have that sort of thing happen, so I yelled at Lex and clobbered him a little. Then Meepie clobbered me. Then my Human decided to stick me in my box for a while. Lex whined a lot and the other dogs got all excited. I cried because it was just so unfair that everyone else was having a good time without me!

Niki was all freaked out because she thought she heard some thunder or something stupid like that. She got in the bathtub and ended up poking her toenails through the shower curtain liner. The curtains and rod fell into the tub and Niki got all tangled up in it. It was just the stupidest thing ever!!!

And that stupid Lex...well, you know!!!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Around the House


I thought I'd share some photos of us at home.

Here's me looking down the porch/deck at Lex (who is stupid):

It's Niki & Meepie in the hallway:

And it's all of us, except Lex who is in the room, but out of the camera's field of focus:

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

My Neighbor's Stupid Kids!


My neighbor's kids are so stupid! They hang around outside making noise. I'll yell at the adult female who takes care of the kids: "Hey Nanny! Make those stupid kids shut up!" But they never listen!

Titles are Stupid!


Sometimes I have troubles thinking of a title and today is one of those days!

I wanted to post a brief video with a little glimpse of my Human in it:

Har har har!!! Who cares what humans look like, anyway?!

Another reason that humans are stupid is that they like fireworks! We're now in that stupid time of the year when humans like exploding things at night. Below is a picture my human took before she invited all of us to live with her:

Monday, June 25, 2007

Tubey Facts


1. Your age? 4.25 years

2. Your age when came to live with your people? 9 weeks

3. What color is the collar you're wearing right now? multi colored with lizards on it

4. Who is your favorite person other than the people you live with? people are okay, but I don't have a favorite

5. How much do you weigh? 45 pounds

6. Most expensive thing you've ever chewed up? I don't destroy things

7. Do you like other Dogs? some dogs…as long as they don't want my Human's attention

8. Who is your best non-human friend? Roo Roo

9. Squeaky Toys or Tennis Balls? squeaky toys

10. Do you like to be brushed? yes

11. Peanut Butter or Cheese? yes!

12. Do your people cut your toenails? yep

13. Any formal education? I had puppy kindergarten and basic obedience 1

14. Couch potato or Energizer Bunny? both

15. Five nicknames your people call you: Tubey, Tibby, Tube Wolf, Turboo, Tub Tub

16. What is your best trick? walking on the back of the couch

17. Do you like kitties? not if they are getting my Human's attention

18. What did you have for breakfast? my Human dropped a chocolate cookie out of the oven and I got to lick the floor

19. Can you hunt (aka have you ever killed anything living)? no

20. When & why was the last time you went to the V.E.T.? November

21. Where do you sleep at night? I like sleeping on my Human's bed if she's there

22. Do you like to swim? yes

23. Can you make puppies? yes, but I'm not going to

24. Do you give kisses? yes

25. Can you potty on command? yes, if the command is "no Tubey! Don't pee on that!"

26. To Cuz or not to Cuz? Definitely to Cuz!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007



So yesterday we were playing with the toys.

And that stupid Roo Roo decided to get too close and I yelled at here that she was stupid. That made my stupid Human come and take away all of the toys. She took them into the bathroom. I think she painted the Cuzes and hid them!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Pool Party!


You know what's better than playing with my new Cuzes on my bed? Playing with them in my pool!

Even Lex had a good time:

Friday, June 22, 2007



Gifts are not stupid. Sitka & Holly didn't like their Cuzzes, and each decided to send them to me. My Human got them yesterday at her office. I suspect she played with them all day, but I have no proof!

I'm very thankful to have received these gifts. This first video shows me with Holly's gift:

Here I am enjoying Sitka's gifts:

Both Holly & Sitka said that I should share my gifts, so I decided that I would. You can see a video of Lex with the Holly Cuz here and Roo Roo with a stuffie from Sitka here.

Thursday, June 21, 2007



I heard a rumor that my Human received 2 packages for me at her office: 1 from Sitka & Tia and the other from Holly.

I want to call and tell her boss that my Human is needed at home immediately, but I don't know where the stupid phone is!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007



I have previously posted the 10 Commandments of Huskies that Franki V's human created. I heard that the Vatican created 10 new Commandments of their own for human driving behavior.

I've decided I need 1 Commandment:


Below is a picture that I posted some time ago:

Tuesday, June 19, 2007



I've been thinking about amnesty lately.

Do you think that I need to offer amnesty to things I am going to ban when I'm president? I'm pretty strongly against it. If I am wise enough to ban something stupid (like epilepsy, hot weather, thunder, and squirrels), why would I turn around and give the stupid thing amnesty. I want to be consistant...not stupid!

I'm ending with a picture of me as a pup in front of Fargo.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Where's the Hobbes?


The Hobbes seems to have disappeared. His blog is no longer functioning!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Okay, So I Like This Toy


First of all, my Human is stupid. She and Fargo went to Petco and she bought some stupid crickets for Griselda Gecko and also just 1 Cuz. I asked her why she only bought 1 and she said because she didn't know if we'd like it.

Well, we do...and I don't really want to share.

Roo Roo got to play with it first:

She didn't want to let me play with it:

Even when I got in close:

Rooie wanted to keep it:

But as this video shows, I did get it!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Weekend Approaching


Saturday will soon be here. Who knows what we'll be doing? Not me! Last Sunday my Human took Fargo with her on a trip to get some food for her (which she didn't share with us).

My Human got 4 new tires for the huskymobile, so we can safely go wherever we need to go.

I heard a rumor that Griselda Gecko will be getting some crickets to munch on. Crickets are stupid!

I don't have any speeches scheduled for this weekend, but you never know what may happen.

Below is a picture of Meepie looking happy.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I Am A Son Of A Bitch


A few days ago I talked about the stupid human defaming dogs. I promised then that I'd discuss humans making a mockery of all of our canine mothers and sisters.

Webster's first definition of bitch is:

the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

That's fine and accurate. My mother was a bitch by the name of Akara's Fifth Avenue Huricane.

Webster's also includes these definitions:

2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman -- sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse
3 : something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

Humans are so stupid with their language skills that they have to insult us! I'll never understand them! You don't hear the canines of the world insulting each other by calling each other "son of a human," now do you?!

I make a motion that we rise about the humans and take back the meaning of the word "bitch" for ourselves!!!!

I'm ending this post with a picture of Niki, the sweet old bitch in our house.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Monday, June 11, 2007

My Harvard Speech


Before I talk about the speech I recently gave at Harvard, I want to mention a milestone. Last night the 18,000 visitor to my blog (since I started keeping track) popped in for a visit at 6:51pm Central time. Woo to that unidentified visitor!

Now on to my speech...

I like giving short but sweet speeches. As my campaign is picking up speed I get more and more invitations to speak. Below is a picture of me giving my recent speech to graduates of Harvard University. I hate wearing a suit, but every so often you just gotta do it!

And here is the speech that I gave to the graduates and their friends and families:

President Bok, former President Rudenstine, incoming President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, parents, and especially, the graduates:

Don't be stupid! Now lets eat some cheese & bacon.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

She Thinks She's a Star!


I figured out why Aurora Borealis wants to be called Roo Roo McRipperton. It's her stage name. You see, she's decided that she's going to be a movie star! Maybe she and Macie will star in the newest version of the Parent Trap.

Being the politician that I am, I'm not above exploiting the medium, too!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Up To Something


I think Roo Roo is up to something, but she's not saying what. First of all she is spending way too much time talking to Lex.

Second of all she told me just last night that she wants to be refered to as Roo Roo McRipperton. I told her that she's stupid. That she can't just go and change her name when ever she wants to. She said, "Oh is that right, Tube Wolf?" I stomped my foot and told her that was different!

Thursday, June 07, 2007



Meep Nose


After all the nose discussions that have been held by D'Azul, the Ao4, and others, I thought I'd toss a picture of Meepie in here to show you his snow nose.

In other news...

It's supposed to be 93 stupid degrees today! And then it is supposed to storm! Add banning lightning and thunder to my list of things I'll ban when I'm president!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Dona Nobis Pacem


Since the Forest Dogs sent me the invitation to participate in Peace Globe Day I have been thinking about what to write. What is peace? Is it a lack of violence? Is it a globe without conflict? Is it silence? Is it stupid?

I'm in favor of peace and I'm in favor of security. It would be nice to have both.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Roo Roo's Announcement


All I have to say is that I hope that this doesn't effect my campaign negatively!

Wolfing It Down


We each have our assigned areas and bowls to eat our supper. This is a picture of Roo Roo eating Fargo's dinner. Fargo had eaten of his dinner, but then he decided to follow my Human in (futile) hopes that she'd share her supper with him. Roo Roo had decided to abandon her food to eat Fargo's. I left my dinner area to try to get Roo Roo to let me eat Fargo's food. Roo Roo got all snarly wolf with me. This is a picture of Meepie blocking my path to Roo Roo.

Meepie is a control freak!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

8 Things About Me


I was tagged by my new friends Jeannie & Jewel to list 8 things about me. I've listed 7 previously, but I'm not against talking about myself again.

1. I don't play with toys.

2. I have a loud voice.

3. I have never humped any of the other dogs.

4. I am a kind, gentle dog when the others aren't around.

5. I don't like toilet paper, but I do like the tubes!

6. I have to stay in my crate when my Human is gone so that I don't make Lex have a mental breakdown.

7. When my Human gets home I yell at her and run outside.

8. I will not eat a hard dog biscuit if it's tossed in my crate. I'll leave it and when my crate is opened up, Roo Roo will eat it.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Happy Birthday Sgt Pepper!


My Human is old. She read the news today (oh boy) and learned that today was the 40th anniversary of the release of the Beatles' Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. She doesn't actually remember that day because she was only a 6 months old hairless puppy then, but she has a brother who is 15 years older that she is and he bought that album (as they used to call those things). My Human grew up hearing all about Rita, Vera, Chuck, and Dave.

My Human also remembers the release of the movie Star Wars that just had its 30th anniversary. She saw that movie at the theater shortly after it was release. Her brother even bought her a light blue Star Wars t-shirt with C3PO and R2D2 on it. If she had that t-shirt now, she wouldn't fit into it.

I over heard my Human telling her friend Large Oh that she realized that the amount of years between when Gone With the Wind to her birth year was less than the amount of years from the release of Star Wars to now.

Why do humans always think about these stupid things?

Oh, yeah...my Human wanted you to know that this is not actually a picture of her but a picture of her paternal grandmother and her g-ma's sister a long, long, long time ago.