TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Friday, August 29, 2008



Is Mr. McCain jealous that I've picked Khyra as my running mate? First I named a female Siberian husky to be my VP. Now he has named a female Alaskan as his!

Don't fall for this human trick. Neither Mr. McCain or Ms. Palin are canines!

I am the lead dog and the view for my human competitors for President will never change!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Stupid Regulation

My Human has XM satellite radio. Her favorite station is called Fred. It plays alternative rock from the 1970's & 1980's. She has a lot of the songs they play in her collection, but yet she listens to a station that plays those same songs.

For the next few days, Fred is playing 2044 of the so-called greatest (or whatever) songs of this genre. So my human is listening to a lot of Squeeze, Joe Jackson, Elvis Costello, O.M.D., etc etc etc...

The "announcer" on Fred states that there is some stupid regulation that will not allow a satelite radio station to post a list of their count down songs.

Why the poop is this a regulation? How many human dollars does this regulation cost to enforce? How many humans are in charge of monitoring this stupid regulation?

Humans are so stupid!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Undignified, Spitz, Pease


Okay, first of all I don't think that any of the human Presidential candidates are ever grabbed, tossed in a bathtub, had shampoo rubbed all over then, and then sprayed off. I finally got a good stink on right before my stupid Human decided that I needed a bath.

Hey! Congratulations to that Michael Phelps guy for winning 8 gold medals in swimming events at the human Olympics. Humans don't have much to be proud about, so many humans are rejoicing at this feat.

When my Human was really young (like in the single digit years), a human by the name of Mark Spitz won 7 gold medals swimming. During that summer (like several summers, actually), my Human was enrolled in swimming classes. The coach of her town's swim team was a human whose last name was Pease. My Human said that this joke was told a lot that summer around the swimming pool:

Mark Spitz while Coach Pease.

Yeah. Like I said above, humans don't have much to be proud about.

Saturday, August 16, 2008



Where I live, dogs do not need a license to be a dog. But they do inside of Columbia and in many, many cities across this great country and even world of ours. When I am President, dogs and even cats will no longer need a license to exist.

Humans have come up with the concept of licenses as yet another ploy to trick other humans into paying taxes.

Taxes are stupid. The government of the humans keeps creating more and more taxes to pay for more and more stupid things. The human government creates departments and bureaus to create taxes and then use tax dollars to pay for those departments and bureaus.

I have heard from my Human that the human government actually dictates what type of posters are required to be on the walls of businesses. I asked my Human who reads these posters. She said that no one does, other than her corporate auditors who visit occasionally to check on things.

One of my favorite human government programs is the so-called "Paperwork Reduction Act." My Human said that in the course of her job, she will get a multipaged document from the human government with one sheet of paper inserted with the something like the following printed on it:

Hey Humans! Look at us! We are telling you on this sheet of paper that the government really, really cares about you. Because we are caring, we are have calculated that it should take you 30 minutes to read everything on this form and only 15 minutes to fill it out. YMMV.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


You can imagine my distress when I learned that Florida had invaded Georgia, the state where my cousin (Sitka) and niece (Cornelia Marie) live. My Human even has ties to Georgia because she attended Bulldog University back in the early 90's. I'd heard that some cities next to Florida had decided that they hated Georgia and wanted to be a part of Florida. The Georgia government humans told those unhappy Georgia humans that they couldn't leave the state. Then the Florida humans told the unhappy Georgians that they could be Floridians. That ticked of the Georgia Georgians and then things got really stupid. Fortunately Sitka & Cornelia Marie are fine and no where near Florida.

Obviously, I had to make a formal statement on this situation. After careful thought and consultation with my advisers, I issued this statement.

Hey! Stop being stupid!

Oh yeah, I heard that some Russian guy was causing problems in some European country. I have a message for him too:

Вы должны остановить и не быть тупоумны.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Conditioning Humans


My Human was exasperating today...twice! She put her shoes on twice today and then did not go outside and open up the gate to the bigger field. We've worked with her on her training and her behavior, but she still isn't being consistent.

Let's face it, humans just aren't as smart as dogs. We are watching a dogumentary called Dog Genius. The human narrator was discussing that chimps can't figure out what humans mean when they point at something and that dogs can figure it out 90% of the time. We all know that the 10% time that dogs can't figure it out are when humans are giving mixed signals.

The human narrator referred to humans as dogs' research subjects. This is certainly true. We study humans whenever they are present.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Stupid Weather Forecasting, Again


We were watching TV last night. We have Dish Network, and we can press a button and get our local weather. Last night this was our forecast:

Yep. 62°F and Light Freezing Rain.

Humans are stupid!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Stupid Heat


I hate hot weather. I'm sure you all know that when I'm President that I will be banning it.

We've also had a lot of stupid rain and stupid storms. But our local ABC affiliate is very stupid. During their weather segment this week they had a graphic similar to this:

I guess they were expecting an influx of dead South Carolina Senators in our area, but I didn't see any. Just rain and lightning and thunder.

A day or so later, this same TV station was talking about sports and how some baseball player hit a doubel. Apparently, that is very rare!

I apologize for being really far behind on visiting your blogs. I'm going to blame it on my Human.

To make it up to you, I will close with a picture of me: