TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Boxing Day Fun


We had snow. Not a lot, unfortunately. Only a few inches. But we got to hang out in it anyway. I'm sharing a picture of Rooie running:

And me digging:

And a special treat, here's my face after digging:

Saturday, December 19, 2009

From the Anti-Stupidity Conference


H.A. Turbofire: 'Time for woo is over'
By: Sam E. Winks (The Canine Press)
December 18, 2009 11:11 AM EST

MERRYLAND — A visibly angry Huricane Akara Turbofire threw down the fluff at China and other developing nations Friday, declaring that the time has come "not to woo but to act" on stupidity change.

Emerging from a multinational meeting boycotted by Chinese Crested Dog Premier Wittle Pookie, Mr. Turbofire warned delegates that Amerifur offers of funding for poor stupid nations would remain on the table "if and only if" developing stupid nations, including China, agreed to international monitoring of their stupidity emissions.

"I have to be honest, as the world watches us ... I think our ability to take collective action is in doubt and it hangs in the balance," Mr. Turbofire told the STPD-15 plenary session as hope faded for anything more than a vague, addle-brained political agreement.

"The time for woo is over, this is the bottom line: We can sniff this accord, take a substantial step forward. We can do that, and everypup who is in this room will be part of an historic endeavor, or we can choose pee on it," he said.

He added, "The question is whether we will move forward together, or split apart... We know the crates lines because we've been imprisoned by them for years."

Back home, senators critical to getting an anti-stupidity bill through Congress have stressed that developing stupid nations must submit to international stupidity monitoring — particularly if they want Amerifur to pay hundreds of gazillions to help combat the destructive impact of global stupidity.

"The only way we'll be successful in Amerifur is for countries like China and India to make an equivalent commitment," said Sen. Linseed Graham Cracker(R-S.T.U.V.), who is crafting a bipartisan anti-stupidity bill. "We're not going to unilaterally disarm."

While Mr. Turbofire emphasized the Amerifur commitment to taking action on global stupidity, he did not set a deadline for specific Senate action on the anti-stupidity bill.

Former U.S. Human Vice President Al Gore, whose head was recently declared a planet complete with its own atmosphere, and other environmental activists have pushed the Senate to pass legislation by April 22, the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, a silly non-holiday that humans created despite the fact that the earth is actual billions of years old, in hope of providing momentum to international talks next year.

The lack of specific domestic and international commitments in Mr. Turbofire's address indicated that an international agreement still hung in the balance — even as the talks moved into the final weekend.

Overnight reports that world leaders had agreed to a tentative final stupidity change deal in Copenhagen were greatly exaggerated — and the outcome of the STPD-15 conference was still very much up in the air when Fur Force One touched down at 9:01 a.m. local time.

"What's on the table still has large gaps and unanswered questions, but looks very tasty if only we could reach it," said David Whatacow, stupidity change program director at Oxfam America, although nobody is quite sure how an Ox was invited to the meeting. "Amerifur must get more specific to make a real deal possible."

After addressing the delegates, Mr. Turbofire met with Chinese Crested Dog Premier Wittle Pookie for close to an hour to discuss anti-stupidity goals, verification mechanisms and anti-stupidity financing, as well as chewing on a Wubba and jumping on furniture. The lack of agreement between China and Amerifur — the world's two largest stupidity emitters — has been a major stumbling block in the talks.

A White house official, on condition of anonymity because he wasn't suppose to be out of the yard, described the discussion as "constructive" and said that the two leaders asked their negotiators to get together one-on-one after the meeting.

Mr. Turbofire had been expected to meet one-on-one with Great Dane Prime Minister Lars Grosshund immediately after landing in Copenhagen Friday morning, followed by an 11 a.m. speech to the conference's plenary session. But recognizing the urgency of the situation, he quickly cancelled those plans to sit in on a much larger session with Mr. Grosshund, Australian Shepherd Prime Minister Kevin Ruff, English Setter Prime Minister Gordon Setter, French Bulldog President Nicolas Snooky, German Shepherd Chancellor Angel A. Mookems, Japanese Chin Prime Minister Yuki, a Chinese Crested Dog representative, Indian Dog Prime Minister Chippi Parai, Russian Terrier President Dmitry Bear and others.

"There are big problems, it is moving very slowly, and China and India are blocking," Mr. Snooky told the Danish daily Politiken after leaving the meeting, which broke up at 11:30 a.m. in time for cookies and a nap.

Weary and frustrated negotiators described a process that still involved the nibbling of bones at a time when prior conferences were already on to the kongs and big bowls of kibble.

They warned that none of the several drafts circulating in Copenhagen represented even the bones of a final deal, which made the conference members even more hungry, with many key issues still in flux and time running out. Moreover, Amerifur predictions that roadblocks could be thrown up by smaller countries seemed to be coming true, with last-minute objections voiced by the Mucuchies representative from Venezuela, the Hairless Khala representative from Bolivia, a camel from Sudan and some human guy from Saudi Arabia who refused to pee in the corner with everyone else, according to pups familiar with talks.

"The situation is desperate," a top Indian negotiator told the wire service. "There is no agreement on even what to call the text — a declaration, a statement or whatever. They (rich nations) want to make it a politically binding document, which we oppose. We'd prefer it be called a lamp, or even a toaster, because we can't afford binding or even a coffee table book."

And the U.S. was still wrestling and growling with China and India over international monitoring of their emissions cuts, a sticking point that ground the entire conference to a halt early Thursday.

Great Danes monitored the progress of Mr. Turbofire's arrival obsessively, with cabbies craning at dashboard TV sets to monitor the approach of Fur Force One from distant dot to Mr. Turbofire's arrival. He was accompanied by stupidity czar Carol Browndog and National Stupidity Adviser Jimbo.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Nutritional Information


Maybe you are like me, sometimes your humans brings home food that they have no intention of sharing with you. I am here today to tell you that you do not have to stand for this!

Maybe you like fries. I know I do!

You don't have to wait for your humans to share. Just follow my handy tip (a tip that humans don't want you to know!):

And then you be much happier!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Fluff For Pups


I would like to introduce my new philanthropy. It's called Fluff For Pups. I was thinking about my good friend Joe Stains. Joey is a Boston Terrier, and he often gets cold. Sure, he has lots of shirts and bunnyhugs to wear, but what he really needs is some husky fluff. I call on all fluffy dogs to give back to the canine world. Give up some of the fluff that you don't really need. We all know that we are more than willing to leave our fluff on our sofas, rugs, and even our humans. Why not donate some to some poor unfortunate dogs? Think of the Greyhounds, Boxers, the assorted terriers, and dachshunds! And maybe even goats, cats, & birds!


And then here's 3 of us at the beginning of my fluff production season:

And here's what I left out on the deck!

Please made it possible for fluff deprived dogs be fluffy!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Everybody Wins!


It was an excellent weekend for the Husky Football League! Every time that played won. I guess if there was a down side it is that only 2 teams played. Nevertheless, the Connecticuts beat some bulls. And the Washingtons beat some bears who were golden in color.

I'm not sure yet if there will be any huskies in bowl games. I will let you know later.

In other news, some stupid raccoons parachuted onto our roof. We made my Human go out with a big stick and whack the roof to get them to leave. It would have been really funny if we'd locked her out of the house, but we'd would have had to get off the couch to do that. BTW, Meepie has locked her out of the house before.

Also, there is a water leak up the hill from our dog yard, so now it is partially a pond/ice rink.

For a change of pace, I will close with a picture of Rooie:

Thursday, December 03, 2009



Over the past couple nights some stupid raccoons have been stopping by. They do not belong in our dog yard! This is what I told them:

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Ending Global Stupidity

I have been an anti-stupidity activist for some time. Just a casual browsing of my blog will assure readers of this fact. In fact, it was a large part of my platform for the U.S. Presidency.

I have also tried to be helpful to humans by offering them the opportunity to buy stupidity offsets:

Unfortunately, not even 1 of them took advantage of that opportunity!

But all is not lost for the anti-stupidity movement. Queen Meeshka has given me an offer I could not refuse. I will be representing the United States of Amerifur at the Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity talks in Merryland.

I fear a bleak future for our world if we don't act soon. Do you want a world filled with more humans who act like the Salahi's, the Heene's, Michael Vick, Kanye West, etc? I know I don't!

The Season Isn't Over Yet


Not yet. But it's getting close to be over. There were only 3 games this weekend. And, ha roo!, the huskies won 2 of them. The Connecticuts beat some oranges, and the Washingtons beat some cougars! The Northern Illinoises did not beat some Chippewas, however.

My Human startled me tonight. She hooted because here stupid M-CATS scored a safety and ultimately beat some J-HAWKS. I haven't heard her make that noise for 2 years. She doesn't need to make it again. I do, afterall, need my beauty sleep!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Gate Crashers


Regardless of what the press and the pictures may indicate. I did not invite Michaela & Tareq Salahi to stop by my house to help me dig, run in the yard, nor did I invite them to a pool party. I do not know them, nor do I want to. They are just stupid humans

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Running For Congress


I am please to announce that I will be running for the 14th Congressional District of Missouri. Queen Meeshka encouraged me to run for this opening.

The seat for the 14th District of Missouri has remained open since the 1930's. That is more than 490 years in dog years! Despite being open for so long, this district was given more than $600,000 by the U.S. Government for economic stimulus, as well as 5 jobs!

As a member of the working group, I am dedicated to helping the humans of the 14th Congressional District work as hard as Siberian Huskies do!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cliff Hanger


So, that's what's going on this week! The blue ones are the teams that have finished their season. So they didn't play football this week. 1 team didn't play, but is not finished with their season; that would be the Washingtons.

Both the Connecticuts and the Northeasterns were victorious. They beat the fighting irishes and the rams respectively. The Northern Illinoises, unfortunately, were not victorious against some bobcats.

That's all I have on the sports front. Tune in to this blog in a couple days for an important political announcement.

In the mean time, here's me:

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Season Dwindles


This is what I look like at this point of the Husky Football League season:

There were only 4 games this weekend. The Saskatchewans did not win their playoff game against some dinosaurs from Calgary. They played for the Canada West final in Saskatooooooooooooooon. The dinos score just 1 more point than the Huskies! (I did learn that for some reason in Saskatchewan, hooded sweatshirts are called "bunnyhugs.")

The Northern Illinois improved their record to 7 wins and 3 non-wins against some cardinals (the bird, not the color).

The Washingtons did not win against some ducks!

The Northeasterns did win against some pride! And they did it by just 1 point.

The Connecticuts had a weekend of non-playing football, but they play next week.

Sadly, the Turbo-Colored Huskies of Bloomsburg and the Michigan Techs are finished for this season. That is why they are now shown in blue.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

At A Loss


It is not a good weekend for the Husky Football League. I am especially sad to announce that the Turbo-Colored Huskies of Bloomsburg have lost yet again.

I decided that what the League needs is a fight song. So, I wrote a simple one. (It's important to note that my level of song writing is the same as my Humans...And my Human actually was a music major for 1 year! So, I am destined to be far better than she is.) Click the thingie below

And, as if that song was not enough, here is a picture of me for inspiration to all teams in the Husky Football League. A lot of husky mascot teams seem to like snarling huskies, so that's what I went with for my inspiration. (Truthfully, however, I was about to sneeze.)

So anyway...

The Saskatchewans are in their playoffs. And they won against some rams. So they get to play some team next week. They are also in 1st place in the Husky Football League standings.

The Northern Illinoises destroyed some eagles to the tune of 50 to 6!

I don't feel like talking about the other games.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Howl (oween) & Football Update


Hey! What do you think of my giant Turbo-sized pumpkin?

Now for the Husky Football League update...

Bad weekend for the Turbo-Colored Huskies of Bloomsburg. They had a non-winning game against some golden rams. The Connecticuts did not win against some knights that are scarlet colored. The Northeasterns did not score as many points as some felines who happened to be wild.

The Washingtons did not lose! They had a weekend where they didn't play football.

I will end with the good news! The Saskatchewans won against some different rams (who I assume were not golden). The Northern Illinois zipped past some zips. And, the Michigan Techs doubled their number of victories against some dragons.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

27 & 27


There are no longer any husky teams with perfect records. The good news is that the Northeasterns have finally won a game. The bad news is that the Bloomsburg Turbo-Colored Huskies lost this week.

Huskies defeated golden bears, redhawks, and tigers. Huskies did not defeat red raiders, mountaineers, ducks, and cardinals.

Below is a picture of me destroying a toilet paper tube to show support to all husky teams.

Monday, October 19, 2009

On Top Of Things, A Retrospective


I have always prided myself on keeping on top of things. My Human found my pawprints on top of her dresser. She wasn't surprised. Unfortunately, there is no picture of that. But here's a few of my favorites over time.


Sunday, October 18, 2009

6, 7, and/or 8


Serious note: I just read that one of the UCONN Huskies football players was fatally stabbed on campus after their victory. Our thoughts are with Jasper Howard's family, team mates, and friends.

It's really confusing which week of Husky League Football we are on. Some teams have played 6. Some 7. And the Turbo-Colored Huskies have played 8.

Speaking of the Turbo-Colored Huskies, the Bloomsburgs have won yet another game. They are undefeated at 8 wins and 0 losses. This week then took care of some wolves.

You'll be relieved to hear that the Northeasterns did not lose this week. They did not play, but they did not lose.

Huskies defeated wolves, bisons, and cardinals. My Human went to the bison university. I had to rub it in a bit. You know how that goes.

I am sad to have to tell you that huskies did not win against rockets, sun devils, and greyhounds. The Northern Illinoises had a close game. They lost by only 1 point!

And finally, please good vote for the good Captain Maverick in this contest. If he wins, the money will go to husky rescue. (And that would not be the Northeastern Huskies football team, although they do need some help!)