Ignored (So Far)

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My Khampaign Khoordinator Khyra has pawed an email to Brian Williams of the NBC Nightly News informing him of my campaign. He still has not acknowledged me or my khampaign!

You may have also noticed that I was not at the debate between Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama. That is okay. I am not a member of the Democrat party and that debate was for members of that party only. I am a proud member of Sibertarian wing of the Dogmacrat party.

I will be dazzling fans of debates after this primary season is over.

There has been some speculation on who my running mate will be. This is not a decision to be rushed into, and it will be determined at my pawty's convention this summer.

Read My Lips!

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As I've said previously, I will eliminate taxes in my term as your President.

Czars & Tax Returns

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A week ago, Queen Meeshka woo'ed this comment on my blog:

Ms. Clinton just announced that she will be hiring a "Poverty Czar" so that there will not be poverty in the U.S. What positions with scary communistic titles will you be creating?

I also noticed that you haven't released your Tax records, as a dog for the people I think the public would like a clear understanding of your material wealth and how you are better able to relate to their fiscal responsibility issues because of your lack of pockets or line of credit.

I'll address the tax question first by referring you to click on the picture of my return to biggify it.

Now for the Czar part. I've always thought that it was stupid that humans use the word "Czar" to refer to someone that they have put in charge of some stupid part of their government. In my government, I will be assigning dogs, other animals, and even some non-stupid humans to positions such as the Money Lead Dog, the Education Swing Dog, and the Nutrition Wheel Dog. That way everyone will know their places!

Also, remember that a czar is a tsar is a caesar is a kaiser.

You Know What Is Stupid?

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Those stupid spammers that are visiting various blogs leaving messages like

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the whateverstupidthing, I hope you enjoy. The address is blah blah blah. A hug.

and other similar ones.

When I'm President, I'll be launching Siberian action against them!!!!

Crime and Justice

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I have noticed that human politicians will state the obvious in an attempt to persuade voters that they should be elected. I decided to create a new ad campaign based on this philosophy. I'll be unveiling these advertisements over the next few days.

Thor's Questions

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1. Turbo, will there be an anti-plucking law passed if you are elected? Many pups, during coat blowing season, are followed about by their humans, who constantly pluck at loose tufts of fur. This is quite irritating to many of your constituents.

Under my administration, fluffy dogs will be declared a pluck free zone. It is our right to leave our fur where we choose. Not the right of the humans to take it.

2. Livergreat. The humans need to know, in no uncertain terms, your stand on livergreat. Are you for or against?

I am definitely pro-livergreat. I am for livergreat liberation; allowing all dogs to consume livergreat if they are so inclined.

3. Do you support the notion that if a human gives a dog a bath, the dog has the right to return the favor and bathe the human?

In my house, this is exactly how it is done. My Human has no expectation that she will remain dry. Many humans suffer from the delusion that it is they who control distribution of water at bath time. This is simply not the case. Dogs should throw the water off their bodies with a healthy shake, shake, shake!

4. How do you feel about the segregation between dogs and cats? Should they be forcibly integrated, and if so, why?

I am against anything that is "forced." I am against heavy pawed government interference in the home. There are some cats out there who can, and do, live happily and comfortably with their canine room mates. But there are others who, sadly, may not survive the experience. I would rather have a dog and a cat choose to live separately than have one die and the other one in trouble.

5. Cuz toys. Should we all have them? Why or why not?

I love my Cuz. But I hate when Roo Roo takes it. I know from experience that even in a house with more than 1 to 1 Cuz to dog ratio, there will still be a Cuzless dog. It is a sad situation, but it is not the government’s responsibility to provide more Cuzes. It is the humans’ responsibility to ensure domestic tranquility by being a Cuz monitor.

6. Queen and king-sized beds. Is there a law requiring us to share these things with the humans?

I am for humans having beds large enough to meet the needs of their dogs. The problem with humans is that they feel entitled to beds because they have paid for them. I am in favor of dogs being able to sleep wherever they choose, and we, as dogs, can choose where our humans should sleep. This works at my house, so it should work elsewhere.

Constitution

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Very soon I will be answering some important questions asked by Thor on his blog. Look for my answers tomorrow.

I do want to make a formal statement, however. There are other dogs who are also running for president. I do not have a problem with that. I have examined the Constitution of our great country. There is nothing in the Constitution that says there cannot be more than one dog who is President. There are all sorts of regulations about humans, but none regarding dogs. The way I am looking at the multi-dog President situation is that dogs are pack animals and work well in groups. We should not let the limitations that humans have effect us in any way!

Kin Folk

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I read a stupid article entitled Obama Related to Pitt, Clinton to Jolie. The human who wrote the article points out that both Mr. Obama & Mrs. Clinton are very, very distantly related to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. That would definitely help them be able to have the skill sets to be President.

Well, I can play that game too! I was examining my family tree on a website called PawVillage. My Great X 8 Grandfather is a Siberian husky named Pando (I will discuss him more tomorrow). My Great X 15 Grandfather is the world famous Togo.

Togo is arguably one of the most important Siberian huskies in history. Click on his name if you want to read about him. I think he gave more to society than Mr. Pitt or Ms. Jolie. I'd like to see those humans lead a sled across Alaska to save other humans!

Saturday Is National Corndog Day!

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Saturday is a very important holiday, National Corndog Day. And this year I am not going to miss it like I did last year and the year prior. Corndogs are a valuable part of our economy. Please encourage your humans to purchase as many corndogs as they can. They are tasty. They are on a stick. And they have "dog" in their name. I ask woo, what is not to love?



And remember that I promised you that when I become President, that I will have 7 times the current number of important national holidays!

Economic Stimulus Plan

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As the currency of the United States is becoming less valuable, the prices of important things like Cuzzes goes up. As a candidate for the Presidency, I am developing a plan to stimulate the economy. I will be eliminating taxes. Yes, no more income tax, sales tax, or any type of tax or tacks.

But how will I be funding the government? Well, big government is stupid. I am for making it small. There are few things that the government does successfully.

I do know, however, that there are still needs for government funding. And I do have a three part plan to raise money.

1. As I outlined in my blog entry from June 30, 2007, humans are willing to part with their money willingly if you send them an email. It helps, of course to include a cute picture and to be polite.

2. Humans are not only stupid, but gullible. They are more than willing to part with their money if you tell them that they will be better off (less stupid) if they were to give their money to someone else. You can read more about this aspect of my plan in my August 5, 2007 blog entry.

3. This is my new idea. I have seen commercials on television for companies that encourage humans to mail them their gold, silver, and platinum which the company will exchange for cash. As I've mentioned, humans are stupid and gullible. We will have them send us their gold and we can send them a picture of a cute puppy. Puppy pictures are definitely worth their weight in gold.

The real beauty of my economic plans is that they are completely voluntary! To paraphrase what P.T. Barnum once said, "No one's ever gone broke underestimating the intelligence of humans."

New Ad Revealed

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Sunday Thoughts

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I heard from Joe Stains that Tadpole is also running for President. I don't have a problem with this. I've made the statement before that their is nothing in the Constitution that says that more than 1 dog can't be President at the same time. It's true!

I wanted to inform you that I picked up another nice donation. This one for $3,765,456.21.



My Nevada human supporters gave me a nice send off rally before I left town:



After the rally, we sat down for a nice chicken dinner.

It's No Gamble!

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Things are looking good for the Tube Wolf in Nevada! Doggonally I think that gambling is a stupid human activity, but if you're looking for a sure bet, vote for Turbo!

After the win I'll get in Nevada this Saturday, I'll be heading on out to South Carolina. I've heard there are a bunch of loud mouth chickens out there. I'm hoping to have one over for dinner. Ha ha!

Look at this yard sign I saw in the yard of an intellegent human:

Victorious in Michigan

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And now I have a win in Michigan! Thank you to all my supporters who have helped me with yet another win against all humans.

Specifically I want to thank Sitka and Echo for giving me the Thinking Blogger award. I will post about that separately. Woo!

And here is my Khampaign Khoordinator, Khyra to summarize:

Well, I knew it would be a great day and another vikhtory for Tubie when the weather dogs khooperated - nothing says vikhtory like snow in the morning!

Now we''ll off to Nevada for another lukhky roll of the dice!

Win In New Hampshire!

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Thank you, all of you fine citizens of New Hampshire for your support! We are continuing to send a strong message to the human candidates that my campaign is the only one that can deliver change. No one can stop our campaign now!

We now travel to Michigan, then Nevada, and then South Carolina.

Finally, here is my Khampaign Khoordinator Khyra's khomments:

At this time, I khan't add anything to what Turbo has said. Having listened to all the human babbling throughtout the evening, once again our khandidate shows he truly means change. There is no need to run on and on - except for time spent on the trail - when a few words will do. Now, let's mush on to Michigan.,

Subtle Message To New Hampshire

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That's Not Change!

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I think you'll all agree with me that if a human is voted to be the President this year, that's not change!

If the next President walks on only 2 legs, that's not change!

If the next President is anyone other than Tubey, that's not change!

On Top!

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Ha rooo! Thanks for all of your support. I made it to the top of the Iowa Caucuses. Not only did the fine citizens of Iowa choose to have me represent the Dogmacrat Party for their state's Presidential Candidate, but they also overwelmingly chose me as superior to the stupid Republican and Democrat human candidates. You may not hear this on the human news reports, but you all know this to be true.


At this time I will turn to my Khampaign Khoordinator Khyra to woo a few words:

As Khandidate Tubey's Khampaign Khoordinator, we focused on putting our heads down and choosing a fresh trail for change. I had hopes the stoopid humans would realize how much Tubey and his platform had to offer. I'm so honoured to be part of his team. Now off to the snows of New Hampshire!

Turbo Cuts Off 'Stupid' CBS Interview

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NEW YORK (Dog Press) - Presidential candidate Huricane Akara Turbofire abruptly ended a "60 Minutes" interview aimed at introducing him to U.S. audiences, dubbing it "stupid" and a "big mistake" and refusing to answer questions about human celebrities.

Before the CBS news show interview even began, Turbo called his press secretary "an imbecile" for arranging the session on a busy day.

"I don't have the time. I have a big job to do, I have a schedule," Turbo woo'ed through a translator before the interview began. In English, he added: "Very busy. Very busy."

In the interview conducted earlier this month and aired Sunday night, he candidly discussed what he likes. But he grew frustrated when asked about his opinions on subjects like Britney Spears.

"If I had to say something about Ms. Spears, I would certainly not do so here," Turbo replied.

Before he broke off the interview, Turbo was asked about what he would like the American humans to know about him. "I want the humans to know that they can count on me," he said.

Turbo said he admired some humans' work ethic and the opportunities for advancement in the country, irrespective of class or background. But that there was still discrimination against non-humans.

Campaign Story

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October 12, 2007, 5:13 pm
Turbo Calls for an End to Human Occupation of White House
By Aurora Borealis



LARGE-O, Md. - Of all the reasons Hurricane Akara Turbofire impresses upon voters why he should be elected president, he offered a new one here last night: "We've had enough humans in the White House."

At an outdoor rally on the campus of Queen Meeshka University, which sits just outside the city limits of Washington, Mr. Turbo told about 2,000 supporters that he would usher in a fresh era of optimism. To the cheering crowd, he declared: "We need someone canine!"

Mr. Turbo, of course, did not elaborate on either statement. But he made both of the remarks near the portion of his speech when he mentioned all the human candidates by name, reprising their disagreement over meeting with foreign dictators. He also reminded those in the crowd, as he does when he travels across the country, that "it's not enough just to change parties, we’ve got to change our species."

So who was Mr. Turbo referring to when he uttered the word "human?" That, apparently, was left for voters to discern for themselves.