TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Friday, October 31, 2008

Debate Time


Ha woo!

Feel free to announce the following on your blogs:

The debate between me and the Dyson Animal will "begin" Saturday at 4pm Eastern time, 3pm Central time, 2pm Mountain time, 1pm Pacific time.

That's 5:30pm in Newfoundland and Labrador.

And 7:00am Sunday in Melbourne, Australia.



Friday, October 24, 2008

Scary Political Ad


I grew tired of the human candidates' attack ads against us. I was irritated at all the talk about how much my running mate, Khyra's collars cost.

So I decided to unleash this ad:

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Upcoming Debate


I will be debating D. Animal on Saturday, November 1, 2008. That is 2 weeks from today. The moderators who have submitted questions are Marigold the Goat, Huffle Mawson the Cat, Ari the Dog, and Vrooomy the Vacuum. The moderator will be Professor Kathryn Ari-Human.

I encourage you and all voters to tune in for further political enlightenment.

Friday, October 10, 2008

What's Going On


My Human is stupid. She joined that Facebook website. She's busy reconnecting with old (and I do mean OLD) friends. Mostly band toots from back in her high school days. And my Human doesn't even talk about me and my campaign!

So, I'm sure you are all wondering what I am doing this weekend. I will be working on what I will be saying in my upcoming debate with the stupid D. Animal that lives with us.

The only good thing that is going on in my house is that my Human has had a cold, so there are a lot tissues for us.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Cut Backs


I have some important news that will impact humans, as well as dogs. My Human does Human Resources for a large, international commercial cleaning company. The warehouse manager pointed out to her that the size of the rolls of toilet paper the vendors where sending at shrunk by about 3/4th of an inch wide.

So what this means to us is that there will be less toilet paper for us to shred. And the actual rolls will also be smaller.

Businesses do this so that they can keep the price the same and maintain their profit margin.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Human Campaigning


Apparently you cannot get elected President without doing negative campaigning. I have learned this about the human candidates:

They will take your money away from you and give it to corporations. They will kill all babies. They are just like previous Presidents. They are too old. They are too inexperienced. They flip flop. They never show up for work. They show up at work and don't do their job. They will begin unnecessary wars. They will make unecessary concessions to enemies.

To summarize, they are all humans.

So, I decided to introduce my negative ad: