Scary Political Ad

woo!

I grew tired of the human candidates' attack ads against us. I was irritated at all the talk about how much my running mate, Khyra's collars cost.

So I decided to unleash this ad:

Upcoming Debate

woo!



I will be debating D. Animal on Saturday, November 1, 2008. That is 2 weeks from today. The moderators who have submitted questions are Marigold the Goat, Huffle Mawson the Cat, Ari the Dog, and Vrooomy the Vacuum. The moderator will be Professor Kathryn Ari-Human.

I encourage you and all voters to tune in for further political enlightenment.

New Button

woo!

What's Going On

woo!

My Human is stupid. She joined that Facebook website. She's busy reconnecting with old (and I do mean OLD) friends. Mostly band toots from back in her high school days. And my Human doesn't even talk about me and my campaign!

So, I'm sure you are all wondering what I am doing this weekend. I will be working on what I will be saying in my upcoming debate with the stupid D. Animal that lives with us.

The only good thing that is going on in my house is that my Human has had a cold, so there are a lot tissues for us.

Cut Backs

woo!

I have some important news that will impact humans, as well as dogs. My Human does Human Resources for a large, international commercial cleaning company. The warehouse manager pointed out to her that the size of the rolls of toilet paper the vendors where sending at shrunk by about 3/4th of an inch wide.

So what this means to us is that there will be less toilet paper for us to shred. And the actual rolls will also be smaller.

Businesses do this so that they can keep the price the same and maintain their profit margin.

Human Campaigning

woo!

Apparently you cannot get elected President without doing negative campaigning. I have learned this about the human candidates:

They will take your money away from you and give it to corporations. They will kill all babies. They are just like previous Presidents. They are too old. They are too inexperienced. They flip flop. They never show up for work. They show up at work and don't do their job. They will begin unnecessary wars. They will make unecessary concessions to enemies.

To summarize, they are all humans.

So, I decided to introduce my negative ad:

Frogger

woo!

Picture this: my Human was driving home from work today. She noticed a small tree frog clinging to her window on the passenger side. She lowered the window and it flung itself into the truck and road the rest of the way home.

Here's a picture of me not looking at a frog:



A quick update about my campaign. I will be debating the stupid Dyson that lives at our house in a few weeks. Stay tuned for more details.

Scientific Poll Results

woo!

Debates Are Stupid

woo!

[Note: My good friends Star & Jack a-Roo have given me an award. I will be awarding 7 others in a couple days when I recover from my stupidity rant.]

I was going to make a post about how the human Presidential candidates' debate was stupid. I was going to make a comment that it was stupid because they won't be including dogs or even lesser well known human political parties in their debate.

But I want to talk about another angle on the stupidity of Presidential debates. The debates are stupid because very few, if any, voters will be switching sides because of how the "other" candidate did. It would be like if fans of the Cleveland Browns decided to suddently become fans of the Pittsburg Steelers just because the Steelers won. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Knowing The Score

woo!

My Human didn't want to hear me yelling at Lex today. She was wearing head phones and listening to Brahms Symphony #4. She decided to download the score so she could follow along.



A really long time ago, my Human wanted to be an orchestra conductor. But she gave up that dream for the chance to be a Human Resources Coordinator...whatever that is. Way back when, my Human played the French horn. A French horn is a curly-Q musical instrument that plays boring notes in an orchestra. For example...

While the horns are playing this:


This is what the flutes are doing:


Here you will see that the horns are holding a note for a while:


While the violins are going crazy!


And finally, you will notice that the horns are playing different notes here. Pretty exciting, eh?


But now the violas and cellos are doing their own more exciting thing:

Wet

woo!

So we had a lot of rain last weekend from that stupid Ike hurricane. My crate room had water in it. And then the water came into the living room and got the carpet about 25% wet. My Human used a carpet shampooer/extractor to suck the water out, but it was still wet. So then my Human decided to bring home an industrial blower to make the carpet get dryer. It's stupid, but so's wet carpet.

Value of a Dollar

woo!

The humans of our country are having problems with their money. They have made all sorts of stupid decisions that have caused financial institutions to be in a world of hurt.

I have a small story about my Human's part of not knowing the value of a dollar.

Over the weekend, one of my canine room mates chewed up a dollar bill. My Human found some of it on the bed and the floor.

Today she found some more of it in some poop outside.

But she didn't try to salvage it!

Cook Book Advertisement

woo!

Do you have a human whose idea of cooking is driving a car through a drive-through lane of a fast food restaurant? Or do you have a human who fancies himself/herself as the next Stephanie Izard or even the next Stephen Asprinio?

Well, what you obviously need to do is buy your human a cookbook. Especially one that will benefit dogs. I have a fine suggestion for you:



So, if you want to get one for your human, CLICK HERE!

A Whole Lot Of...

woo!

Nothing.

The Most Important

woo!

On the eve of the 7th anniversary of the terrorist attack on the United States, what do the human politicians think the most important issue is for our nation?



Lipstick.

Acceptance

woo!

Huricane Akara Turbofire's Acceptance Speech

The following is a transcript of Huricane Akara Turbofire's acceptance speech at the Sibertarian National Convention in Arena, Wisconsin, as recorded by JSF Transcriptions.



Thank woo! Thank woo all very much! Tonight I am accepting our Pawty's nomination for the President of the United States.

(APPLAUSE)

When my Human was a very young human, in the single digit years, she went for a walk with her neighbor friend Missy. They were talking politics. My Human declared that she hoped Jimmy Carter would win the Presidential election. Missy said that she hoped Gerald Ford would win. Then she poked my Human in the eyes. It was at that moment my young Human realized that politics could be a painful experience.

I want to assure all of you that I will make my Administration be a less painful and far less stupid experience than any human Administration has ever been.

(APPLAUSE)



Our Pawty, the Sibertarian Pawty, is the most inclusive political party in our great nation.

(APPLAUSE)

We are the only party who has pan-species membership.

The other parties, the human parties are just that. For HUMANS!

(AUDIENCE BOOS)

I ask you to reach your paws and hands across the great species divide in hope and friendship.



(APPLAUSE)

What about my running mate, eh? I've found just the right partner to help me shake up the District of Columbia, Khyra...

(APPLAUSE)

Khyra from the great state of Pennsylvania.



And I want to thank everyone here and all over America for the tremendous, wonderful, warm reception you gave her last night. Thank woo so much. She deserves it. What a great beginning!

(APPLAUSE)

About my human opponents...

(AUDIENCE BOOS)

They are promising change. But I say to you, what can be more change than having a dog as the chief executive of our country?

You give me a dollar and I will give you change.

And cheese AND bacon!!!!

(APPLAUSE)

Khyra's Inspiring Speech

woo!

I'm sure you were all inspired by the words of my running mate, Khyra.



Here's a behind the scenes photo of the news coverage of this historic event:

Convention Center & Hey NorthernBreedsLover!

woo!

First of all, I thought you'd be interested in what the building looked like where we are having the Sibertarian Pawty Khonvention. Here it is, the world famous Cheese Arena in Arena, Wisconsin:



You might think that there were fountains in front of the Khonvention Center, but there were actually Siberian huskies in there playing.

And finally, a message from my Human to a fan:

Conventional Wisdom

woo!



The Sibertarian Pawty will be holding our political convention this upcoming week. Our philosophy is to not be irritating, so we will not be interrupting your television programming. And of course our speeches will be short. And we will have cheese & bacon!

Woo!

Campaign Signs

woo!

You may have already started to see our new khampaign signs around your cities.





I thought I'd share with you a speech I gave at a Labor Day rally:

Thank each and every one of woo for inviting me to your festivities. Now let's each some cheese and bacon!