St Patrick's Day!

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So, once again it is St. Patrick's Day. It seems like it was just last year that we had St. Patrick's Day. But here it is once again.

I have mentioned in previous years that my Human grew up in this stupid town called Rolla, MO. They don't have a lot to be proud about there. But they have this university there that used to be called the Missouri School of Mines. Then they started calling it University of Missouri at Rolla. But now they call it MST, which doesn't stand for Mighty Siberian Turbo. It stands for Missouri [University of] Science [and] Technology. (The "University of" and the "and" are silent.)

So that school teaches humans about science and technology, apparently. I guess engineering is something like science and technology because they are famous for teaching people engineering. This St. Patrick guy is supposed to be the patron saint of engineering. My Human (who is not an engineer) says that it has something to do with St. Pat driving the snakes out of Ireland. Snakes look something like worms. Engineers made worm-drives, so...

Anyway, human logic is weird.

Back to that stupid town of Rolla. Every year the M[Uo]S[a]T has a big party to celebrate St. Patrick's day. Part of the celebration involves humans buying St Pat's sweatshirts. Each year they come out with new ones. There are many engineer humans who have shirts from many, many years. Here is the design of this year's shirt:



They also have other celebrations. If you want to read what I wrote last year about Alice, click here. Or if you doubt my spin, read this link. Here's more about the painting of Pine Street for you scholars.

Unfortunately, I did not make it down to Rolla to campaign for the US House of Representatives. I have a feeling that the citizens and visitors to Rolla may have been very receptive to the message of this dog running for office.

Support Me on Facebook

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I have neglected to mention that you can support my campaign on Facebook®.

And here is a picture of me walking down the hallway:

Faces of Turbo, 7th Edition

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Turbo Birthday

Hawoo!

Ha roo! Today is my birthday/birfday/barkday, etc! I am now 7. I am sorry to disappoint you with no new pictures of me. Unfortunately, my Human has neglected to take a new picture for a few weeks. But fear not, I have attached a picture of Turbo Puppy.

My campaign for the House of Representatives is going well. I heard on the radio today some guy saying that the government shouldn't stick their nose in people's lives. I think that the issue is that humans have pathetic noses. That is why me, a dog will be able to more effectively run the government and humans' lives than any stupid human politician can!

Turbo Tax Explained

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I have been questioned by a certain human belonging to my good friend Benson J. Puppypaws.

Let me make one thing clear: Taxes are stupid.

But, unfortunately, the human run government has make taxes necessary to fund all their programs.

I understand the psychology of humans. You'll notice my picture on the TurboTax box. Humans are more willing to buy a product if it has a cute dog on the box. Although I am not yet in Congress, I've decided to put my own tax product on the market. When a human choses to buy this product, the money goes directly to the animals. Here is my own tax plan:

1. Humans will no longer be paying the human government money.

2. Humans will be giving their money to their dogs, cats, goats, birds, etc.

3. These now well-funded animals will be in charge of dispersal of funds to programs that they feel are more important than the ones the humans have long felt were important.

Remember, humans, be kind to the animals. One day soon, we will be in charge.

Domestic Success!

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Tonight I was able to nab a 1/4 stick of butter from the kitchen! My Human was cooking supper and she left it out on the countertop. She left the kitchen. I sprung to action and got the butter. I took it to her bed and started consuming it there. When she tried to get it back from me, I ran to my box and finished it off there.

My new motto is "Liberty and butter for all!"

Short Speech

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I gave a short speech today in response to U.S. President Barack Obama's State of the Union Speech & also in response to the Republican Party's response by Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell.

To all human politicians: I am sorry you are all stupid. You speak too many words when just a few would do.

Now, let's all join together for some cheese & bacon!

I am fairly certain that if all politicians did what dogs want, all the world's problems would be solved!

The esteemed journalist Mr. Sam E. Winks tinkled and said this about my speech: "I forgot Tubey was a dog for about 5 seconds!"

All Frozed Up

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The weather here in Missouri is as close to perfect as you can get without there being a blizzard! We've been 10°F or less for over a week. Woooo! Sadly, my Human forgot to bring her camera home from her office so I have no new pictures of me frolicking in the 0ish temperatures. I recreated today's World of Turbo in the picture to the left.

Unfortunately, next week our weather is supposed to turn dismal. Around Wednesday, we are supposed to hit 36°F.

Anywoo, I have been working on a plan to fairly distribute colder weather to disadvantaged huskies in areas of the country such as Texas and Florida. I am also working on sending some colder weather to Hawaii but have met some oceanic resistance.

I know that not all dogs appreciate the colder temperatures. So please remember my previous plan to send fluff to needy pups. I am thinking of them, too!

Other Things To Do When It's Cold

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So, it's been a little cold this week. Right now it is 10°F. It was 0°F on the night between Friday and Saturday. It is snowing right now, but it doesn't count. It's not enough.

The holiday season is coming to an end, which means that my Human will have to go to work for 5 days in a row. I don't understand humans. I'm a working breed dog and I do the same things 7 days each week without a break!

My Human thought her sewer line was freezing up last night. Think about how funny that would be. Humans make us poop outside! barking out loud!

Boxing Day Fun

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We had snow. Not a lot, unfortunately. Only a few inches. But we got to hang out in it anyway. I'm sharing a picture of Rooie running:




And me digging:




And a special treat, here's my face after digging:

Season's Greetings 2009

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From the Anti-Stupidity Conference

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H.A. Turbofire: 'Time for woo is over'
By: Sam E. Winks (The Canine Press)
December 18, 2009 11:11 AM EST

MERRYLAND — A visibly angry Huricane Akara Turbofire threw down the fluff at China and other developing nations Friday, declaring that the time has come "not to woo but to act" on stupidity change.

Emerging from a multinational meeting boycotted by Chinese Crested Dog Premier Wittle Pookie, Mr. Turbofire warned delegates that Amerifur offers of funding for poor stupid nations would remain on the table "if and only if" developing stupid nations, including China, agreed to international monitoring of their stupidity emissions.

"I have to be honest, as the world watches us ... I think our ability to take collective action is in doubt and it hangs in the balance," Mr. Turbofire told the STPD-15 plenary session as hope faded for anything more than a vague, addle-brained political agreement.

"The time for woo is over, this is the bottom line: We can sniff this accord, take a substantial step forward. We can do that, and everypup who is in this room will be part of an historic endeavor, or we can choose pee on it," he said.

He added, "The question is whether we will move forward together, or split apart... We know the crates lines because we've been imprisoned by them for years."

Back home, senators critical to getting an anti-stupidity bill through Congress have stressed that developing stupid nations must submit to international stupidity monitoring — particularly if they want Amerifur to pay hundreds of gazillions to help combat the destructive impact of global stupidity.

"The only way we'll be successful in Amerifur is for countries like China and India to make an equivalent commitment," said Sen. Linseed Graham Cracker(R-S.T.U.V.), who is crafting a bipartisan anti-stupidity bill. "We're not going to unilaterally disarm."

While Mr. Turbofire emphasized the Amerifur commitment to taking action on global stupidity, he did not set a deadline for specific Senate action on the anti-stupidity bill.

Former U.S. Human Vice President Al Gore, whose head was recently declared a planet complete with its own atmosphere, and other environmental activists have pushed the Senate to pass legislation by April 22, the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, a silly non-holiday that humans created despite the fact that the earth is actual billions of years old, in hope of providing momentum to international talks next year.

The lack of specific domestic and international commitments in Mr. Turbofire's address indicated that an international agreement still hung in the balance — even as the talks moved into the final weekend.

Overnight reports that world leaders had agreed to a tentative final stupidity change deal in Copenhagen were greatly exaggerated — and the outcome of the STPD-15 conference was still very much up in the air when Fur Force One touched down at 9:01 a.m. local time.

"What's on the table still has large gaps and unanswered questions, but looks very tasty if only we could reach it," said David Whatacow, stupidity change program director at Oxfam America, although nobody is quite sure how an Ox was invited to the meeting. "Amerifur must get more specific to make a real deal possible."

After addressing the delegates, Mr. Turbofire met with Chinese Crested Dog Premier Wittle Pookie for close to an hour to discuss anti-stupidity goals, verification mechanisms and anti-stupidity financing, as well as chewing on a Wubba and jumping on furniture. The lack of agreement between China and Amerifur — the world's two largest stupidity emitters — has been a major stumbling block in the talks.

A White house official, on condition of anonymity because he wasn't suppose to be out of the yard, described the discussion as "constructive" and said that the two leaders asked their negotiators to get together one-on-one after the meeting.

Mr. Turbofire had been expected to meet one-on-one with Great Dane Prime Minister Lars Grosshund immediately after landing in Copenhagen Friday morning, followed by an 11 a.m. speech to the conference's plenary session. But recognizing the urgency of the situation, he quickly cancelled those plans to sit in on a much larger session with Mr. Grosshund, Australian Shepherd Prime Minister Kevin Ruff, English Setter Prime Minister Gordon Setter, French Bulldog President Nicolas Snooky, German Shepherd Chancellor Angel A. Mookems, Japanese Chin Prime Minister Yuki, a Chinese Crested Dog representative, Indian Dog Prime Minister Chippi Parai, Russian Terrier President Dmitry Bear and others.

"There are big problems, it is moving very slowly, and China and India are blocking," Mr. Snooky told the Danish daily Politiken after leaving the meeting, which broke up at 11:30 a.m. in time for cookies and a nap.

Weary and frustrated negotiators described a process that still involved the nibbling of bones at a time when prior conferences were already on to the kongs and big bowls of kibble.

They warned that none of the several drafts circulating in Copenhagen represented even the bones of a final deal, which made the conference members even more hungry, with many key issues still in flux and time running out. Moreover, Amerifur predictions that roadblocks could be thrown up by smaller countries seemed to be coming true, with last-minute objections voiced by the Mucuchies representative from Venezuela, the Hairless Khala representative from Bolivia, a camel from Sudan and some human guy from Saudi Arabia who refused to pee in the corner with everyone else, according to pups familiar with talks.

"The situation is desperate," a top Indian negotiator told the wire service. "There is no agreement on even what to call the text — a declaration, a statement or whatever. They (rich nations) want to make it a politically binding document, which we oppose. We'd prefer it be called a lamp, or even a toaster, because we can't afford binding or even a coffee table book."

And the U.S. was still wrestling and growling with China and India over international monitoring of their emissions cuts, a sticking point that ground the entire conference to a halt early Thursday.

Great Danes monitored the progress of Mr. Turbofire's arrival obsessively, with cabbies craning at dashboard TV sets to monitor the approach of Fur Force One from distant dot to Mr. Turbofire's arrival. He was accompanied by stupidity czar Carol Browndog and National Stupidity Adviser Jimbo.

Nutritional Information

woo!

Maybe you are like me, sometimes your humans brings home food that they have no intention of sharing with you. I am here today to tell you that you do not have to stand for this!

Maybe you like fries. I know I do!



You don't have to wait for your humans to share. Just follow my handy tip (a tip that humans don't want you to know!):



And then you be much happier!

Fluff For Pups

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I would like to introduce my new philanthropy. It's called Fluff For Pups. I was thinking about my good friend Joe Stains. Joey is a Boston Terrier, and he often gets cold. Sure, he has lots of shirts and bunnyhugs to wear, but what he really needs is some husky fluff. I call on all fluffy dogs to give back to the canine world. Give up some of the fluff that you don't really need. We all know that we are more than willing to leave our fluff on our sofas, rugs, and even our humans. Why not donate some to some poor unfortunate dogs? Think of the Greyhounds, Boxers, the assorted terriers, and dachshunds! And maybe even goats, cats, & birds!

See?



And then here's 3 of us at the beginning of my fluff production season:



And here's what I left out on the deck!



Please made it possible for fluff deprived dogs be fluffy!

Everybody Wins!

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It was an excellent weekend for the Husky Football League! Every time that played won. I guess if there was a down side it is that only 2 teams played. Nevertheless, the Connecticuts beat some bulls. And the Washingtons beat some bears who were golden in color.



I'm not sure yet if there will be any huskies in bowl games. I will let you know later.

In other news, some stupid raccoons parachuted onto our roof. We made my Human go out with a big stick and whack the roof to get them to leave. It would have been really funny if we'd locked her out of the house, but we'd would have had to get off the couch to do that. BTW, Meepie has locked her out of the house before.

Also, there is a water leak up the hill from our dog yard, so now it is partially a pond/ice rink.

For a change of pace, I will close with a picture of Rooie:

Encroachment

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Over the past couple nights some stupid raccoons have been stopping by. They do not belong in our dog yard! This is what I told them:

Charlie Brown

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Ending Global Stupidity

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I have been an anti-stupidity activist for some time. Just a casual browsing of my blog will assure readers of this fact. In fact, it was a large part of my platform for the U.S. Presidency.

I have also tried to be helpful to humans by offering them the opportunity to buy stupidity offsets:



Unfortunately, not even 1 of them took advantage of that opportunity!

But all is not lost for the anti-stupidity movement. Queen Meeshka has given me an offer I could not refuse. I will be representing the United States of Amerifur at the Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity talks in Merryland.

I fear a bleak future for our world if we don't act soon. Do you want a world filled with more humans who act like the Salahi's, the Heene's, Michael Vick, Kanye West, etc? I know I don't!

The Season Isn't Over Yet

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Not yet. But it's getting close to be over. There were only 3 games this weekend. And, ha roo!, the huskies won 2 of them. The Connecticuts beat some oranges, and the Washingtons beat some cougars! The Northern Illinoises did not beat some Chippewas, however.





My Human startled me tonight. She hooted because here stupid M-CATS scored a safety and ultimately beat some J-HAWKS. I haven't heard her make that noise for 2 years. She doesn't need to make it again. I do, afterall, need my beauty sleep!

Gate Crashers

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Regardless of what the press and the pictures may indicate. I did not invite Michaela & Tareq Salahi to stop by my house to help me dig, run in the yard, nor did I invite them to a pool party. I do not know them, nor do I want to. They are just stupid humans