TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Friday, November 30, 2007

Another Interview With My Human


First of all, thank you for letting me have some of the crusts from your sandwich this morning. I don't know if you noticed, but I repayed you by peeing on your bathtub.

*Sigh.* Yes, I noticed. You're welcome.

So, what's so great about the stupid striped Khats of Ol' Mizzou?

When I was a Freshman at the University of Missouri, they won only 1 football game. This was back in 1985. Since I first attended Mizzou, the football team's record is 108 wins, 151 losses, and 4 ties. And now they are #1. They've won 11 games and lost just 1 this year (so far). [Click here for the team's football records since 1985.]

It took them 22 years.

Yes. Mizzou sports teams have lost many games in weird and heartbreaking ways. Because of this, when non-fans mock the fact Mizzou is #1, it doesn't have as much effect as it might on other schools' fans. Missouri fans are used to failure and disappointment. The success this year is a new and novel experience.

I understand that it is your fault that Mizzou lost their bowl game last year. Please explain.

I said with about 6 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter, "I don't think even Missouri can blow this lead." Because of that, I don't consider that a game is won until a few minutes after then game is officially over.

Why do you wear that same stupid Missouri Tigers shirt every Friday now?

Because the 1 Friday I wore my Mizzou polo shirt they lost to Oklahoma--their only loss. I'm not taking any chances.

I've heard that if you feed me livergreat that the Mizzou Tigers will win.

Well, I haven't heard that, but since you brought it up I should probably do it to be on the safe side.

Why don't you go to see the football games in person?

I've never seen the team win a game in person. When I was a freshman, I was in Marching Mizzou. They didn't win any games that the band attended that year. I'm not taking any chances.

You're stupidstitious.

The word is "superstitious."

I know. I was making a point.

Why are you putting pictures of yourself on this blog entry rather than anything to do with Mizzou?

Because no one cares about your stupid team. My readers come here to read about me. I'm just humoring you by letting you talk about your obsession.


Shmoo said...

Does this Mizzou team suck as much as that Slippery Rock team, or that Northwestern team. I hear they suck too.

My human is a Bears fan. She doesn't watch them play because they lose when she does, so she pouts and doesn't watch and they still lose.

Our humans are stupid


Bob McCarty Writes said...

Congratulations to everyone associated with the Missouri Tigers football program. Never during the seven years since my family moved to Missouri from God's Country (a.k.a., Oklahoma) has my fanhood faced as many challenges as it has this year.

When I say "fanhood," I'm referring to my staunch loyalty to the team I've followed since birth -- The Oklahoma Sooners. When I say "challenges," I'm referring to the lighthearted "trash" talk aimed in my direction by friends who are fans of the upstart Missouri Tigers football program.

With the now-top ranked Tigers facing my Sooners in the Big 12 Championship tomorrow night, I feel obliged to share an observation about football hysteria Mizzou style; hence, I write this post.

When your team makes it to the top of the BCS rankings (or the equivalent) only twice a century, you need to take full advantage of the opportunity. Case in point:
The Missouri Tigers 2007 Season to Remember Commemorative Football with Acrylic Display Case
Several times this week, a representative of St. Louis-based Nikco Sports has appeared as a guest on local radio programs to promote the above-mentioned commemorative football. During each appearance, he was careful to describe all of the things that make the ball special and to mention that only 5,000 of the $99 limited-edition footballs would be sold. He also mentioned that the ball would include the results of Saturday night's game in San Antonio and of any bowl game in which the Tigers might be invited to play during the postseason. Finally, he mentioned that proceeds from sales of the footballs would benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Did you notice a problem? Probably not, since you're not accustomed to life under the microscope of big-time college football success. Let me explain.

In Oklahoma, commemorative balls are sold all the time, since our team regularly finishes among the top of Division One. But never -- and I mean never -- does a run of 5,000 commemorative balls last a full week, especially when sales of the ball benefit a worthwhile charity like the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

If a ball like the one being touted by the Nikco Sports went on sale in Oklahoma, I guarantee it would have sold out the day its availability was announced. And that's the point, Mizzou fans:

If you want to play the part of fans supporting a big-time college football program, you gotta buy balls like the ones being offered by Nikco Sports.

Good luck!

NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...

Oh the things we do fur our humans and the things they do to us -

Something doesn't seem quite there - eh?

Have your prakhticed your fight song yet?

Sway Khat Strut -
What's new pussykhat -
Hold them tigers -

Oh well -

I'll make you the same offer I made Hbbb - if it gets too tough there, woo are welkhome to khome to my house!



H.A. Turbofire, Sibertarian said...

Meeshka, Mizzou lost to Northwestern a few years ago, I think. And my Human always has a soft spot in her heart for Slippery Rock. She likes Rocky, the weird looking mascot.

Proprietor, my Human has heard about the balls on the radio. I'm only interested in buying a commerative Cuz, however.

Khyra, I'm on my way!!!!!

Joe Stains said...

peeing on the tub is excellent, but doesn't really leave a stain. try to pee on something white and made of cloth next time. sounds like your human might have a bit of a curse, tell her to stay away from steeler games ok?

Stanley said...


YOur mama is very powerful!! I never knew how much a hooman could effect a game's ouglook. Does that work for basketball too, or Does it only work for football?

Goober love,

NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...


Sitka was on her way until she realized her hu-mom hid the khar keys - I told her we have a golf khourse in the bakhkyard if she wanted to try to snag a plane!

Sitka is going to enlist the Tia the evil khat khritter's help to take the keys so Sitka khan get her own set!

I'll have my hu-mom leave the lights on fur woo!



Marley said...

Ha woo woo woo - stupidstitious. I like it.