TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Promises

.

Because today is the day that the Iowa Caucus is being held, I thought I should remind everyone what a Turbo Presidency would be about.

.....1. All my speeches will last no longer than 3 minutes.
.....2. Every speech will end with free flow cheese and bacon.
.....3. The following is a list of things that will be banned (it is not complete): lightning, thunder, stupid exploding things like fireworks, bumps on dogs, seizures, stupidity, hot weather, squirrels, mosquitos, ticks, thermometers, etc...
.....4. Steak on every plate.
.....5. Dog school reform.
.....6. Free vet care for puppies.
.....7. Protection of dog values.
.....8. End to human privatization of treat distribution.
.....9. Holidays to celebrate each dog breed.
....10. Discovery of new sources of peanut butter.
....11. Not only will I not be running negative advertisements that show how stupid my opponents are, I won't be running any adds on TV or radio because they are annoying.
....12. And a bunch of other stuff.

I realize I've not given an update on how much money I've raised for my campaign. So far it's $9,348,710,978,423,598,756,897,649,876.03.

9 comments:

Cubby said...

I think you should ban fireworks and themometers. Then you have my vote. Dakota will vote for you already. I think it's the steak she likes.

Turbo the Sibe said...

Added my friend!

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

You done good my furry little fella!

Perhaps we khould outlaw vacuum khleaners?

Especially those DYSON thingies!

Today's the day fella!

I feel the winds of change fur our khampaign - the stoopid humans will realize their errors and allow WOO to take khontrol!

Best of lukhk!

Khyra
Khampaign Khoordinator
Tubey '08

Marley said...

You know you have my vote - but can you increase punishment for annoying little brothers that hijack blogs and say stupid things?! Like, no food for them for a week, and double for me...I mean, the innocent older brothers?!

Marls

Holly said...

Oh, and don't forget one important thing.

13. Any human who abuses or treats any pet, or other animal, inhumanely, shall in turn be treated the exact same way. Therefore, if you tie your dog with a 4 foot chain out in the weather with either no shelter, or inadequate shelter, with no food and no water, said human will be chained and treated the same way.

Holly

D'Azul Siberian said...

Way to go Unkey Tubey!!. How about designated walkers for every dog that wants one?

Your niece and nephew,
Eddie and Selena

Steve, Kat, & Wilbur said...

I would also suggest a ban on Gentle Leaders, but maybe that is part of dog school reform. I bet my parents wouldn't appreciate me leashing them and making them wear one!!

Steve

Kapp pack said...

Definitely a ban on DYSON!!!

WOo woo, Kelsey ANn

Amici said...

Free pet care would definitely be great!!!

I hope you're having a happy 2008!