TURBO NEWS NETWORK: Take time to stop and smell the bacon . . . . . . . . .

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Back To Normal

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With Mizzou losing their game last night, things can finally get back to normal. I decided that they might have won if I had been playing defense. So I am beginning to learn the game:



My Human doesn't put up a Christmas tree in our house. She said it would be inviting disaster what with 6 huskies in the house. Of course I think that is stupid. I'm in favor of house trees. In fact, when I'm President, all houses will be required to have live house trees year 'round.

You wouldn't believe how uncomfortable I was getting into this stocking!



And finally! (And most importantly!)



My Human and a friend are going to make lots and lots of tamales in about a month. She needs a recipe, however. She has a really good, but complicated Mexican cookbook. But she was hoping for easier recipes. Please send your tamale recipes to her through me at this link: Tubey Mail

Friday, November 30, 2007

Another Interview With My Human

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First of all, thank you for letting me have some of the crusts from your sandwich this morning. I don't know if you noticed, but I repayed you by peeing on your bathtub.

*Sigh.* Yes, I noticed. You're welcome.

So, what's so great about the stupid striped Khats of Ol' Mizzou?

When I was a Freshman at the University of Missouri, they won only 1 football game. This was back in 1985. Since I first attended Mizzou, the football team's record is 108 wins, 151 losses, and 4 ties. And now they are #1. They've won 11 games and lost just 1 this year (so far). [Click here for the team's football records since 1985.]

It took them 22 years.

Yes. Mizzou sports teams have lost many games in weird and heartbreaking ways. Because of this, when non-fans mock the fact Mizzou is #1, it doesn't have as much effect as it might on other schools' fans. Missouri fans are used to failure and disappointment. The success this year is a new and novel experience.

I understand that it is your fault that Mizzou lost their bowl game last year. Please explain.

I said with about 6 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter, "I don't think even Missouri can blow this lead." Because of that, I don't consider that a game is won until a few minutes after then game is officially over.

Why do you wear that same stupid Missouri Tigers shirt every Friday now?

Because the 1 Friday I wore my Mizzou polo shirt they lost to Oklahoma--their only loss. I'm not taking any chances.

I've heard that if you feed me livergreat that the Mizzou Tigers will win.

Well, I haven't heard that, but since you brought it up I should probably do it to be on the safe side.

Why don't you go to see the football games in person?

I've never seen the team win a game in person. When I was a freshman, I was in Marching Mizzou. They didn't win any games that the band attended that year. I'm not taking any chances.

You're stupidstitious.

The word is "superstitious."

I know. I was making a point.

Why are you putting pictures of yourself on this blog entry rather than anything to do with Mizzou?

Because no one cares about your stupid team. My readers come here to read about me. I'm just humoring you by letting you talk about your obsession.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Campaign Billboard

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What do you think of my new campaign billboard? It'll be popping up all over the place soon.

DO DA DO DA DO!!!!

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BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

The 2008 Dogs With Blogs Calendar is now available.

The store also has some fine looking t-shirts.

That's all. Carry on.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Woo Wednesday

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My good bud Mars has given me this fantastic award:



"The Community Blog Award celebrates people who reach out and make the blogger community a better one. It also underlines the importance of a blog's readership community, one of the most rewarding parts about blogging. It's the people that come back to comment, adding to the conversation, making you feel like someone is listening and interested."


Thanks, pal!

I've been thinking about mud, so here's a muddy picture of me!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Sleeping Cute

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As I'm sure you are all aware, sleeping huskies are cute:



But Fargo was irreverent!



By the way, my Human startled me with a really weird noise on Saturday night when her stupid striped C-A-T-S (or Khats, if you speak Khyraese) scored a safety against the birds of Kansas. Look, I was sleeping. She should have been more considerate! Anyway, her stupid striped whatevers are now ranked #1, or #2. Mostly #1, though. Whatever that means...

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Football Update!

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Sadly, the Huskies lost to each team they played. They lost to Mountaineers, Cougars, and Cardinals.

But my Human is happy that her stupid striped C-A-T-S beat some stupid birds. The stupid C-A-T-S play some wagons next week for some stupid championship.

Oh yeah. I decided to see if I can be the new head football coach of the University of Nebraska. But I'll only do it if the team can be renamed the Corn Huskies!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Human Obsession

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To answer the Ao4's question, no. I will not be going to the game. First of all, there aren't huskies playing in it, so it doesn't have any good points for me. Secondly, I think it's stupid.

But my Human won't be going either. She is stupid stitious right now. She's been wearing the same stupid Mizzou t-shirt every Friday this season, except for one. And that was the Friday before the only game that Mizzou lost. My Human has never been to a wining Missouri football game, so she feels like a bad influence! (Note to Sitka, when my Human went to the U of GA, the Bulldogs had their first losing season in a really long time. My Human moved away and the team starting winning again!)

Lots of stupid humans in Missouri and Kansas are bringing up stupid stuff that happened in the 1800's as a reason to hate each other. This is more proof that humans are stupid and we canines are superior. I'll be banning that sort of stupid behavior when I am President!

By the way, the head couch of Missouri does have a bit of a husky link. He was an assistant couch at the U of Washington in the 1970's and 1980's. So, I guess I'll root for Mizzou.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Defend The Shoe

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Yesterday I discovered that you can go to the Nike website and design shoes and other stuff. I decided to design a pair of Air Turbos. The white on them represents snow. The green represents grass and other plants. The yellow represents...open communication.





I even put a husky head on it!




I think my Human would be very happy to receive this gift!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Life On The Campaign Trail

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Sometimes other candidates butt into my campaign stops!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

'Nuff Said!

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Life With Football

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Okay, here's the Husky Football League wrap-up: Huskies beat Orangemen & Golden Bears. Huskies lost to Rams & Midshipmen. It looks like the Bloomsburgs, Saskatchewans, and the Michigan Techs regular seasons are finished.

My Human is stupid and getting stupider! As I've mentioned a few times before, she went to a stupid University with a stupid striped C-A-T for a mascot! I told her that she should have chosen her school more carefully! In other words, one with a husky for a mascot.

Anywoo, for some bizarre reason, the football team of this non-husky team has won 9 games and lost just 1. My Human is waddling around in a daze talking about BCS rankings and stupid stuff like that.

Next Saturday "her" team will be playing a bunch of stupid crimson & blue birds that is "her" school's biggest rival. (Now, I'm saying that they are stupid because they are birds, and birds, by nature, are stupid. Just like humans, actually. I'm not saying that they are stupid because they are from that state that some of my best buds live in. But my Human would say that they are stupid just because they live in a town called Larry, or something like that. I lost interest when she was trying to explain it to me.)

Please realize that when my Human was a Freshpup at the striped C-A-T school, the football team lost all but 1 game. They were really bad for a really long time.

I have a feeling my Human is going to be unbearable for at least 1 more week, and possibly for another month and a half!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Life With Lex

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You all know that Lex is stupid, but you may not know all of the reasons. He is stupid because he thinks he can just go up to my Human and get attention whenever he wants it. He is also stupid because he doesn't like to play husky games. Yes, he is half Husky, but he is also half Akita. He is less social than the rest of us. Sometimes when my Human sticks me in the box or I'm outside, Roo Roo will try to get Lex to play with her, but he just whines about it.

Lex likes a fine whine!

You know what else? Humans are stupid, too. Because they like the way Lex looks! They think he is soooooooooooo gorgeous with his stupid cream colored fur!

I won't say that Lex is good for nothing, however. He is very good at catching stupid no-possums during the night!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Were You Ready For Some Football?

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The Huskies lost to Bearcats and Beavers. What is a bearcat? Is it a bear or a cat?

And the Huskies won over Crimson Hawks, Oilers, Flying Dutchmen, and Golden Flashes.

Heh! "Golden Flash" sounds like the name of a superhero that runs and pees!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Not An Atypical Night & Day

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Rough housed.

Went to sleep.

Woke up.

Went to sleep.

Woke up.

Went to sleep.

Woke up.

Went outside to pee and poop.

Lex captured a stupid no-possum.

My Human threw the stupid no-possum over the fence.

Went inside.

Went to sleep.

Woke up.

Went outside to pee.

Came inside.

Helped my Human prepare her breakfast.

Didn't get to eat any of my Human's breakfast.

4 of us (me, Meepie, Roo Roo, and Fargo) stayed nearby while my Human cleaned herself for work.

Went outside to pee.

Came inside.

Got treats inside my box.

Went to sleep.

Waited for my Human to return from work.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Roo Roo Experience

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Roo Roo told me that I should talk about what it's like living with each of them. Well, actually she said that I should talk about how lucky I am to live with her. But I decided from time to time to talk about each of them.

Rooie was supposed to be a temporary visitor at our house. My Human was supposed to find a permanent home for her (other than ours). But Rooie fit in so well that my Human quickly decided to be a "foster failure club" member.

Roo was found running around on a college campus north of where we live. She eventually made her way to our house, but she was so scared on the car right after my Human picked her up. But shortly after she met us she decided she was home. She quickly discovered where my Human's bed was and hopped right on it.

Her name is actually Aurora Borealis because we saw them during her first night at our house.

Roo Roo loves sweets. And she loves acting all cutesy and affectionate to humans so she can have some.

She also loves chewing up blankets, comforters, quilts, sheets, sweatshirts, etc.

She is a good friend, but she is bossy. She likes wrestling, so she's a lot of fun.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Dona Nobis Pacem

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This is a repeat of my 06/06/07 blog entry. Charlie the Big Dog (aka C$) said we should Dona Nobis Pacem today, so here it is. I am using the Peace Globe that his SHD created because I liked its looks!

Since the Forest Dogs sent me the invitation to participate in Peace Globe Day I have been thinking about what to write. What is peace? Is it a lack of violence? Is it a globe without conflict? Is it silence? Is it stupid?

I'm in favor of peace and I'm in favor of security. It would be nice to have both.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Injustice!!!

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It was a bad morning. First of all, my Human let Meepie get up on the bed to snuggle. EXCUSE ME?! I was there first. I just say no to Meepie being on the bed, but my Human allowed it.

Then we all went outside. Then that stupid Lex came inside and got alone time with my Human. That is simply wrong! He is stupid!

So when I came back inside I let Lex know how wrong and stupid he was. Then my Human put me in my box and closed the door to the room.

I have no confirmation of this, but I'm pretty sure that my Human then made a breakfast of buttermilk pancakes, sausage, and eggs that she shared with all of the other dogs.

By the time I was released from my box all of the breakfast was gone! Therefore, I have to assume I was correct about the injustice.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Another Football Wrap Up

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No Husky teams lost this weekend. But 3 of the 7 did not play.

Here's who Huskies beat this weekend, Scarlet Knights, Wolves, Cardinal (the color, not the stupid bird!), and Wildcats.

The University of Saskatchewan is finished for the season.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Questions Not Asked

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Tonight I'm going to answer a question that I've not been asked.

Q: What are the 2 the stupidest things your Human has done that impacted you?

A: Thank you for that well thought out question. One night she forgot to feed us. She realized we hadn't been fed the next day when she emptied the dishwasher and found our bowls in it. She knew she hadn't washed the dishes the night before!

Then another night, she sort of woke up and let us go outside. Lex came back inside and my Human closed the door with the rest of us outside and went back to sleep. When she woke up that morning, she was surprised that Lex was the only dog inside!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Turbo Cuts Off 'Stupid' CBS Interview

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NEW YORK (Dog Press) - Presidential candidate Huricane Akara Turbofire abruptly ended a "60 Minutes" interview aimed at introducing him to U.S. audiences, dubbing it "stupid" and a "big mistake" and refusing to answer questions about human celebrities.

Before the CBS news show interview even began, Turbo called his press secretary "an imbecile" for arranging the session on a busy day.

"I don't have the time. I have a big job to do, I have a schedule," Turbo woo'ed through a translator before the interview began. In English, he added: "Very busy. Very busy."

In the interview conducted earlier this month and aired Sunday night, he candidly discussed what he likes. But he grew frustrated when asked about his opinions on subjects like Britney Spears.

"If I had to say something about Ms. Spears, I would certainly not do so here," Turbo replied.

Before he broke off the interview, Turbo was asked about what he would like the American humans to know about him. "I want the humans to know that they can count on me," he said.

Turbo said he admired some humans' work ethic and the opportunities for advancement in the country, irrespective of class or background. But that there was still discrimination against non-humans.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Football Wrap Up

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It's a mixed bag of results for the teams of humans who think they are huskies.

The Huskies beat Bulls, Warriors, and Knights. But they lost to Rams, Wildcats, Black Bears, and Rockets.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Still No Fun!

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This morning I let my Human sleep in until the very generous hour of 4AM before I started practicing my Human Balance Beam routine. Look, as a candidate I am expected to be in top physical condition, not to mention that I'm training for the Furniture Olympics. So I thought that I was giving my Human a break by not walking on her until 4. But of course she had to get all stupid. She made me spend the rest of the night in my box at that point!

In other news, Roo Roo took the covers off of my Human this week during the night. We are all proud of her!

In other news part 2, pop in to Mary-Margaret O'Brien's blog. She lives in Southern California and she is reporting on the fire there. I think she should win the Puplitzer Prize for her reporting.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

No Fun!

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(Please note that this photo was not taken last night.) My Human is no fun. Which of course means that she is stupid. Last night she forced me to sleep in my box at about 3AM. She thought that I was being inappropriate. I thought it was a good time to walk all over her. I also thought it was a good time to yell at Meepie.

My Human thought differently!

So I had to spend the rest of the night in my box and Rooie had to spend the rest of the night in her box.

And that stupid Lex got to sleep near my Human!

But I did decide that my theme song is These Boots Were Made For Walking. But I've changed the lyrics:

This Tube's been made for walking, and that's just what I'll do.
One of these days this Tube is gonna walk all over you.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Meet The Beetle

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My Human, who is not at all clever, thought up this photo all by herself.

So there was this stupid big beetle wandering around in our house for the last day or 2. None of us canines were interested in it. Sure, it attracted our attention, but it didn't smell very interesting.

My Human thought that she should take a picture of it. Then she thought that she should get out a Beatles album for the beetle to walk across.

"Humor the Human" that's my new motto!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Tube Bee

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This photo is of Meepie staring at a bee. The stupid bee was in our house and at a window trying to fly through the glass to be outside. Meepie watched it for a while. He wandered away and I killed the stupid bee! Don't worry, though. I did not get stung.

But Meepie took issue with me killing "his" bee and he clobbered me.

Then my Human squirted both of us with a squirt bottle to end the fray.

And Roo Roo ran off with the bee!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Husky Football League Update, V-2

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2 Husky teams won this week--the Connecticuts & the Bloomsburg. They beat some Cardinals and Mauraders.

The rest lost to Wildcats, Ducks, Minutemen, & Badgers.



UPDATE FOR SOPHIE BRADOR!!!!


I have updated my Husky Football League results to show the University of Saskatchewan. They won, by the way. They beat a bunch of bears!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

8!

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This one goes out to M hyphen M O apostrophe B, who tagged me a while ago to list 8 Tubey facts.

..........1. Although I hate the Dyson and run away from it, the shop vac and the carpet shampooer doesn't phase me.

..........2. I have the loudest voice in our pack. Even louder than my Human!

..........3. I call my Human MY HUMAN because she's mine! I don't like when other dogs are getting her attention and I'll step in.

..........4. I got to yell at a cat yesterday!

..........5. My Human says I can be a jerk, but I'm really a sweet, lovable dog...when I'm alone with her!

..........6. I let Roo Roo boss me around usually.

..........7. I keep trying to lick Meepies eye, but it upsets him.

..........8. I like watching TV. Today I watched Columbo and I got to hear his Bassett Hound.

If anyone hasn't been tagged and wants to do this game, here are the rules:

Here's the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Waking...

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Get this! So last night my Human was sleeping. I thought it would be really funny if I stared at her till she woke up. So I got really close to her face and stared. She woke up and I acted like I was happy to see her. She let us go outside to pee. (Sidebar item: there were no stupid no-possums out there last night.) We all came back inside and we all went back to sleep.

So then an hour or so later I stared at her again till she woke up. Same thing as before.

And so I did it again maybe 2 hours later and again we all went outside. And came back in and went back to sleep.

Finally I was staring at her and she woke up, but didn't get up. So I decided to was a good time to practice "walk on the human balance beam." That's my newest Sibe Olympic sport. She got up then!

We laughed about my Human all day!

Monday, October 15, 2007

I'm Not Wearing Pants!

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It will be interesting to see what sort of traffic this title brings to my blog!

My Human woke up at 4 this morning. She let us go out to pee. But then she discovered that Niki had peed on the carpet, so she had to clean that. Then Lex found a stupid non-dead no-possum outside, so my Human had to deal with that, too!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Husky Football League Update

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It was a very bad weekend in the Husky Football League. All teams lost except for Bloomsburg University. And they didn't play!

Let's take a look at the mascots that beat huskies:
.....Cavaliers
.....Cardinals
.....Sun Devils
.....Fightin' Blue Hens
.....Buster Bronco

I don't think any of these losses are excusable, but to a stupid BLUE HEN??!!

But please bear in mind that these aren't real huskies playing, but humans who are pretending to be huskies!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Campaign Story

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October 12, 2007, 5:13 pm
Turbo Calls for an End to Human Occupation of White House
By Aurora Borealis



LARGE-O, Md. - Of all the reasons Hurricane Akara Turbofire impresses upon voters why he should be elected president, he offered a new one here last night: "We've had enough humans in the White House."

At an outdoor rally on the campus of Queen Meeshka University, which sits just outside the city limits of Washington, Mr. Turbo told about 2,000 supporters that he would usher in a fresh era of optimism. To the cheering crowd, he declared: "We need someone canine!"

Mr. Turbo, of course, did not elaborate on either statement. But he made both of the remarks near the portion of his speech when he mentioned all the human candidates by name, reprising their disagreement over meeting with foreign dictators. He also reminded those in the crowd, as he does when he travels across the country, that "it's not enough just to change parties, we’ve got to change our species."

So who was Mr. Turbo referring to when he uttered the word "human?" That, apparently, was left for voters to discern for themselves.

Fargo Friday

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Fargo often gets angry with me for no good reason. I've noticed that it happens when I want to lick his ear, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Anywoo, I've decided that he'd be thrilled for me to feature him today!









And look! I'm in this one, too!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I See!

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Hey! How's everyone's weather? Ours is starting to be fantastic. We woke up this morning and the temperature was below 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Wooooooooooooo! A while ago my good friend Bama nudged me to come up with my theme song. I'm still working on that. My Human frequently sings songs substituting words with our names (such as "Meepie Crack Corn).

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Marley Interviewed Me!

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I enjoyed being interviewed by Joe Stains so much that I asked my good bud Marley to interview me as well.

1. If you could take a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
I love the snow. No doubt about that. But I also love being inside. So, I'm going to pick the Icehotel in the village Jukkasjärvi, Sweden. It's the best of both worlds! In fact, when I'm President, I'm going to make my White Doghouse be made of ice!

2. If you could only have oen toy for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Cuz! Cuz! Cuz! Cuz! (Did I mention Cuz?!) There is only 1 toy I really like. And it is the Cuz! Big. Small. White. Yellow. Red. Good. Bad. Doesn't matter as long as it is a Cuz!

3. If you were a super hero, what would you call yourself, and what would your powers be?
This one is tough! I'll go the easy route and say Turbo Charger! And I would be faster than anything! And my vision could stop stupidity with a single glance. I need a cape!

4. Have you ever hunted a living toy (squirrel, etc.) sucessfully?
There a 6 of us dogs here. Lex and Fargo are the largest, so any animal that is stupid enough to get in our yard is done in by them. But I've killed a couple of stupid mice. I just gently put my foot on them and they know to die! Plus, I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

5. Do you like car rides?
Oh yes! I ride harnessed into the front seat. I can put my chin on my Human's leg that way! Woo!

Thank you, Marley for the fantastic interwoo. If anyone wants to be interwoo'ed by me this go around here's the rules!

Here's the rules if you want me to interview you:

1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, 'interview me.'
2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Monday, October 08, 2007

On Top Of Things

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It is a good idea for all dogs to be on top of things. I say this not only as a candidate for President, but also as a canine.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Where we live, a animal rescue group keeps some cats that are up for adoption. My Human likes visiting and playing with the cats. She likes this new cat called Aries. SHE DOESN'T SEE HOW DANGEROUS HE IS!!!!! LOOK!!!! HE IS TRYING TO KILL MY HUMAN!!!!!!!